How men should respond towards the domestic abuse or physical violence by women?

Domestic abuse or violence can take place as emotional, mental torture and physical violence. Society is largely gender biased. It generally assumes, that it is the man, who can inflict more harm on the woman and laughs off the incidents of actual domestic violence on men. There is a total disbelief or refusal to even accept such grievances. The last thing that people will think about the bruises on a man’s body is that it has been caused by a woman. Most men are discouraged from reporting the abuse at home. It’s a general taboo.

It’s very important to understand that domestic violence has differences and similarities and affects different genders, be it a man, or a woman or even a transgender in a very different way. What harms one, may be entirely different from what harms the other. For example: Calling a man impotent, looser, or a coward etc. may hurt him deeply. To hurt someone deeply, it doesn’t always have to be a repetitive verbal abuse.

According to a survey in 2015, by the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) about 1.8% or an estimated 60 lakh women have perpetrated physical violence against husbands without any provocation. Surely, the numbers have tripled since then. It’s also a fact that there are many unreported cases because of the many challenges that makes these datas unreliable and inaccurate. Since there is a rising awareness that yes, men are victims as they are also human, there is little more understanding and acceptance to such facts which is very encouraging today. It’s a pleasant surprise that such a survey had been conducted and it did really help unravel this fact.

Indian men especially find themselves in a helpless state, when their wives turn into a drama queen mode. Other than getting the label of a loving and tolerant husband or being ridiculed as a hen-pecked one, nobody wants to lift a finger to help or to hear him what the man really feels about the whole situation. Tolerance and patience is a very good way to handle situations but, if, there is continuous harassment on a daily basis, it may not be a good idea to sacrifice your mental peace and health to keep relationship going for the sake of the society or whatever.

In most countries, the laws against domestic violence provide protection to both men and women, wherein men can seek orders from courts to restrain and protect them from their abusive partner or wife. However, in India, there is no provision in any law to safeguard a man, who faces such violence from his partner, or wife or her relatives. When we say relatives, it would mostly mean male relatives. The not so surprising fact is that, in such cases where the cause of such violence is the woman, the attack would be by men to defend such a woman, just because she is a ‘woman’! This genuinely instills an overwhelming and paralyzing fear in the mind of the male victim and he may neither fight nor flee but get thrashed by the mob. This is mental cruelty too.

Society is often a witness to incidents involving throwing common objects like utensils, cell phones and crockery at the husband. Incidents of physical violence like slapping by women on the streets, pushing or dragging by women and hitting by wife, her parents or relatives in broad daylight or in public places is also seen and many times which gets recorded and posted on social media.

So what do you do?

  • If there is use of force on any person in public then the victim can file a case against that person, irrespective of the gender under section 321 and 323 of the Indian Penal Code,1860. These sections deal with voluntarily causing hurt to any person.
  • When insult is done in a public place or a place with the intent to dishonor, then complaint can also be filed under Section 355 of the Indian Penal Code,1860, dealing with assault or criminal force with the intent to dishonor a person.
  • When there are two or more persons fighting in a public place leading to disturbance of public peace, committing affray, complaint can be filed under section 159 and 160 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860.If their fight leads to loss or damage to any property, it will result in mischief which again is punishable under the Sec 425 or 427 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860.

Verbal abuse is often overheard, if husband comes home late from work, spends time with his colleagues or friends or even remains in contact with his parents etc. All this again is often ignored by everyone, as long as it’s the wife or girl friend raising her voice. No one thinks it’s even worth going over and asking if things are alright with the man and if any help is needed by him, unless all these commotions disturb them personally. It’s dismissed as a regular squabble. But in cases, if the person intentionally uses abusive or offensive words in order to humiliate a person or provoke him, he is said to commit an offence under the purview of Section .504 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860.To commit an offence under this section insult is necessary, meaning words to be of such nature that causes contempt to the dignity of a person or sense of humiliation like hurts the chastity of the mother etc. and includes daily slangs like bastard, foolish etc.

It’s not actually funny when the wife creates a scene by shouting loud in the locality or when she gossips and cries her sorrows in front of others. The woman may even write to certain departments, relatives, friends, boss, company heads etc. and try to cause him to lose his job or to cause him shame. False complaints may be filed making unfounded, indecent and defamatory allegations against her husband and her in-laws, so all this amounts to mental cruelty. All this takes its toll on the man’s mental and physical health causing him to lose his respect in the eyes of the society. Reputation forms an intrinsic part of everyone’s life and as families, we do care about honour and name. So the husband can file a case for defamation because harm is being done to his reputation.

There are incidents of the harassing wife or partner threatening to commit suicide in order to intimidate and control the man. According to many case studies, all women who resort to such tactics, never actually commit it, but, instead of simply ignoring it or giving in to all these threats and harassments, it’s best to inform local SHO of the police station, through an application that the woman is having suicidal tendencies and needs counseling. You must clearly state that you should not be held responsible in case she attempts suicide and kills herself. Likewise, it’s important to inform the whole situation clearly to the wife or girl friend’s parents. In fact, the man must insist and take the girlfriend or wife for a psychiatric check-up. Just to keep intentions under wraps and to avoid more confrontations, the man can insist to accompany to the psychiatrist for a mutual family dispute resolution session.

There are situations where wife or girlfriend threatens to commit suicide if the man does not give her something she desires or does her bidding, like transferring property in her name or giving her money. In such situations, you can file a case of criminal intimidation. Punishment to criminal intimidation is very clear that punishment is proportional to the threat with a graver form of the offense of criminal intimidation being punishable with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to seven years or with fine or with both. Remember, if your partner was adamant enough to carry it out and leaves a suicide note, you could be booked by the police under section 306 IPC for abetting her to commit suicide. What if she does not leave any suicide note? Surely, her family and friends are most likely to give your name as the cause of your partner’s suicide in their statement and that is enough to land you into trouble.

In case of marriage, when multiple incidents show that there’s a regular threat of committing suicide being given by the wife, even though she does not have the intention to commit it, it will amount to mental cruelty and is a valid ground for divorce. Many wives often create a scene showing an attempt to do so or may commit and be saved at the nick of time. The situation is stressful nonetheless. These wives are not aware about the legality that as per Indian Penal Code, attempt to commit suicide is a punishable offence under section 309 as well.

Even the Courts agree that there is no strait jacket formula for determining cruelty or matrimonial cruelty in any manner. The Hon’ble Supreme Court has held in its decision reported as Narendra v. K. Meena* that if suicide threats or attempts to commit suicide are constantly given by the wife then it amounts to mental cruelty and divorce on such ground is available to the husband. 

As for men in a relationship with a woman who keeps emotionally blackmailing or threatening him each and every time she needs something, it’s best advised to break up and move on instead of turning into an emotional mess. To always be on the safer side, don’t ignore such threats. It’s always better to be safe, than sorry. Until and unless, there is a change in attitude of the men, such women will continue to get her way even to the extent of pushing other men from the public to aid her while being seen less on the forefront. Men stand against men to protect the abusive woman just because she is the ‘woman’. Most importantly, treat a ‘victim as a victim’, irrespective of their gender. Stop being gender biased. It’s time for men to empower themselves.

Footnotes:

*Civil Appeal No.3253 of 2008 arising out of First Appeal No.171 of 2002 (FC). The said case is of Narendra Vs. K Meena AIR2016 SC 4599.

The content of this article is intended solely for information and awareness purposes only and to provide a general guide. It is advisable to seek professional advice for specific circumstances.

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